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THIS is my reason for living. she is the blood in my veins and the air in my lungs. i NEVER wanted children, but the day i gave birth was the day my life started. love has a new meaning with her. she is the only person who is there for me at the end of every single day. she can make laugh when i can’t find joy, she keeps me on my toes, she’s the love of my life. her smile is worth more money than there is on earth, and her laugh is the most beautiful song i’ve every heard. her innocence is remarkable. her beauty is unlike any i’ve ever seen. saying i love her doesn’t even come close to how i feel about this little girl. she’s one of a kind. i’d be lost without her.

i miss you too.

i know i post too much sappy shit about him, but it’s hard looking at my daughter and not thinking about him. it gets so hard to breathe sometimes. like i’m chocking on my own air. i get so lightheaded i can’t see anything. i get so upset, i throw up. i think i’m going crazy because i really feel like its a dream, and he’s just going to show up again, out of the blue. he never would have went this long without us though. i would literally do anything just have him back for one more day. this. is. only. getting. harder. i miss him so much.i don’t see how its soo easy for someone to lose their soulmate and just move on with their life. i’ve consistently been pushing people away since it happened. the only person i truly have by my side is Dusti, and we’ll see how much longer she’ll be here. and then natalie and i are leaving. for good.